not the hero of . . .

a pairing: self-portrait by Deryck Bowman, 2013

self-portrait, Deryck Bowman, 2013

Art today is by Deryck Bowman, a charcoal reduction self-portrait, part of a project on the theme of the ‘emotional effects of being bullied,’ done in Myrtle Beall’s art class at Coshocton High School in Coshocton, Ohio, in 2013. More art from this project can be found here.

my bully

every day 
at school 
there was a bully
he was  
mine I knew
knew because 
he bullied 
only me 
like he 
saw in me 
something
only I had 

like me he 
was quiet
never called me 
names 
never said 
cruel things
just walked by
just used 
his body 
I was taller
he was stronger
used it along 
with a wall or 
a locker or
his fist along 
with my gut 
or wood from
woodshop
on the back  
of my head 

whatever he saw 
he wanted more 
because he didn’t 
stop didn’t 
because I didn’t 
stop him 
didn’t fight 
or speak 
just cried 
in a corner 
and went home 
and watched TV
and slept
and each morning 
woke with 
an ache inside
that I kept 
kept to myself 
while I dressed 
and combed my hair 
and drank milk 
and walked to school 
because I had to

after a while 
I guess he
got bored it seemed 
forgetful it seemed 
like I didn’t 
matter anymore 
it seemed 
or he found 
someone else
someone like me 
but new and
more raw and 
more fresh 
more fun maybe
I don’t know 

now I 
wonder why he
chose me what 
made me special what 
drew him what 
weakness what 
difference what 
difference there 
was then what
      difference 
there is now what 
      if any